Now I'm the Momma

I distinctly remember as a child stating…’when I’m the momma I will do it differently’, or making this statement ‘I won’t make my kids do that’. Thinking that my parents were totally in the land of the clueless or were just torturing me with silly rules. I even carried these pre conceived thoughts into my adulthood and looked at other mothers out in public and thought…’there is no way my child will do that, say that or act out like that’. Again all these statements, claims and thoughts were pre children.

First of all "mom and dad please forgive me for my pride that hazed my view of what I thought reality to be".

Second "from one momma heart to another…grace mommas…grace for yourself, grace for those children…and I say it again…live in grace!"

I have a weird quirky issue…you might have heard of it or even seen someone with this issue, or maybe you might have had issues with this issue yourself.

Hi my name is Nichole and I have an issue with needing to be in control.

This little issue is like a security blanket for me that I find myself being very dependent on. A blanket that I use to wrap over many areas of my life. I have wrapped it over relationships with family members and friends, I have wrapped it over my academics, my career, my health and believe it or not I have wrapped it over my ability to be a mother to my boys. I have found myself very wrapped up in the idea that I am in control of them as their mother. I have felt warmth in the security that I can control all that they say, do and even sad as it maybe I have had a false belief in that I have control over what happens to them.

It takes a trip to Costco to have this blanket stripped off very quickly, an episode that exposes me to the cold harshness of my issue with needing to be in control.

Friday afternoon we visited our local Costco, a huge warehouse that offers the momma items in bulk and the little boy’s yummy snacks as they sample all the items they offer to the mommas in bulk. We must have hit the day of all days as they were sampling more items than normal which really pleased the boys. We are done snacking and loading the cart and we head to the checkout where my little son has the biggest tantrum I have ever experienced in my entire life. So loud, so obvious, and so embarrassing. There was nothing I could do. It completely quieted the entire front of Costco while we were trying to checkout. I could not get him to listen, or quiet down. He screamed and yelled at me the entire time we loaded our stuff on the counter and checked out. I was so embarrassed. Pride? What a moment of realizing I cannot control the behavior of my children. I started to let the tears run down my face as I paid for our stuff and headed out to the car. I loaded the stuff in the car. I cried the entire way home in the car. We get home and I send my little son to his room to remove his very ‘sticky root beer ice cream clothes’ and so I could talk to him about his behavior. After I finish unloading the car I go in and my little son has decided not to listen. So I go in and help him get clean clothes on and put him in his bed. He continues for awhile and gives in after about 2 hours and falls asleep.

With the removal of a false security blanket, the shedding of tears and moments with God, I was brought before a Sovereign God…a God who is in control.

A God who wanted me to give up my control and my attachments to a false hope, a false security that I had placed in my abilities to be a mother. He wanted me to put my hope in Him. To place my hope in His plan and purposes.

It was Sunday night when God used Costco to really educate me. It was Sunday night when I saw that my control issues keep me from seeing the face of God.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10

My control issues keep me from seeing God as Sovereign and in control.

I get so completely focused on living out my story. In the Honor Them post I share that my heart as a little girl had created what she wanted and needed her parents to be and do…when God’s story was better! For He had such awesome purpose and plan in the way He brought my parents into relationship with Him. He was in control!

I tend to lose sight of the larger story. The God story!

**Are you living out your story, or His story?

I get so completely focused on ‘making my story work’. I think I need to control all that my boys do and say. Rather I need to turn in my script and start hearing and seeing the one He has written. When I allow Him to create me to be the momma He needs me to be then I will be living in His story.

I want to be lost in the larger story of God. I want to be so caught up in His story that I have no issue with the need to control things.

In the Bible there is a book titled Hebrews and in the 11 chapter you will find a bunch of people who were caught up in Gods story.

**Do you want to be lost in His story?

Thank You God for removing a false security blanket that I use to depend on. A false hope in my own abilities as a momma. Thank You for reminding me that I am the momma and that You are God and You are in control and that You have a story. A story filled with Your perfect purposes! Amen

May we be so enthralled, so enveloped, and so involved in His story!