Friday, July 23, 2010

What do you want?

Hello and welcome to the blog. Friends thank you for stopping in. I have to warn you that life anywhere around me is a tad bit chaotic these days. So first you can lift praise that you are not the Engineer and his two adorable little prodigies. For I am truly lifting praise to God for them. For they are dealing (or rather coping) in such amazing ways with this momma who is very low on patience and high on tears, emotions, and stress of all sorts! The Engineer and the boys have been helping, encouraging, and praying me through this, and I can’t thank them enough.

This morning something the Engineer said right before he left for work led me into a conversation with God.

The Engineer:

“Nichole I see you wanting this so bad, and you are trying so hard, and I think that’s why it’s not happening.”

Stay with me for a few here and this will all make sense…or I hope so!

So after the Engineer heads off to work I sit on top of my bed with my Bible on my lap and I begin to read Psalm 141

O LORD, I call to you; come quickly to me.
Hear my voice when I call to you.
May my prayer be set before you like incense;
may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Psalm 141:1-2

And I hear God reply;

“What do you want?”

And I respond:

Well I don’t want to be so stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t want to be making my family suffer through this. They weren’t called into ministry, why should they have to sacrifice?

And God asks again;

“What do you want?”

And I respond:

I want a 3 minute and a 5 minute talk for She Speaks. God you remember its next Friday night right?

And He responds;

“Nichole do I need to remind you that I created the entire world in 6 days!"

And to be perfectly honest now I am getting a little upset and thinking 'God can’t you not see the stress, the chaos, the un fun times that I am having and my family is going through. I am lacking in patience, kindness, niceness and any or all other good girl qualities right now! '

And then He asks real quietly again;

“What do you want?”

And from deep inside my heart I scream out:

You God I want You. I want more of You.

And it is these next few moments that I realize that more of Him is all and everything I need. More of Him will push aside the stress, the chaos, and the ickiness that surrounds me!

I am praying this morning and asking for more of Him to wash over my heart. For I want my prayer to be;

But my eyes are fixed on You, O Sovereign LORD; in You I take refuge. Psalm 141:8

Part of me wishes I could say that in these moments of working on my heart that He also wrote a 3 minute and a 5 minute talk and zipped them to me Air Mail from Heaven, nope.
—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. Philippians 2:12-13

I am just a girl, desiring to live life so close to Him that all the world can say is at least she knew and breathed her Jesus.

May the work of His hands continue!


Cindy said...

It WILL come and Then you will KNOW it is HIM!!!

Praying for you;)

Kelly said...

Thank you for sharing this. I am encouraged!

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Love this post, Nichole! What an awesome God we serve. So patient, kind, and loving, He gently leads us along the pathways.

I get tickled thinking of the verse in Psalm 23:2 "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters"

So often I'm the sheep that is bleeting, crying, and whimpering, until I finally lie down at His feet.