Ask

Okay so here it goes, I am going to do some true head and heart dumping here today. I need some help figuring out what is going on inside of this little head of mine. I need some open discussion on this; I need you to be honest with your feedback, your comments, and your questions.

Some questions I am rolling around in my head, and maybe you are to:

• 
  Am I being selfish if I want to live in the center of God’s will and be blessed by Him?


• 
  Is it prideful to say that I want to love on others as Jesus has loved on me?

• Why do I sometimes feel all alone when I feel so close to God?
  
  

Please let me know your thoughts, and be praying that God will speak to a heart that is open and ready to listen!




"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8 (New International Version)

Love sweet love

I just finished reading
Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
By John and Stasi Eldredge
I would first recommend that everyone read it. Read it for yourself, don’t read it because I am recommending it, but truly read it to see if it speaks to your heart. There are a lot of great books out there and some of them speak to my heart and some don’t. This book spoke to me in some big ways, and confirmed some questions I have had of God. As women we are created in the image of God, however He did not create us all the same, so this book will not touch us all the same. I will stress to read this strictly for what it is, and that is a book written by Christian authors, and it is not the Word of God. I do believe that when I seek to hear from my God, He is powerful enough to use any resource or person to speak to me.

God is the creator of an ultimate love story. I desire to be loved and to love. And dear women we have the honor of taking a special role in His story. His reason for creating us was to have a relationship with us. In this relationship we will be loved, sought after, and found!

Once I realize just how much He loves me, then I will be able to truly love.

This is how God showed his love among us; He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:9-12

Pride Aside

June 25, 2008
So I am away from my home, my familiar neighborhood, which means I must modify my morning workout routine. I am in a hotel this morning, in a city I have never been, and when I glance out the window from the 11th floor, (I showed up in the dark last night in the back of a taxi cab) it appears I am going to have to use the "fitness room". Which immediately gets my stomach in knots, because I am not coordinated enough to use "fitness equipment", I just got comfortable running and listening to my MP3 player at the same time! So I dress in my very humble workout clothes which include the white handkerchief rag I use on my head (it helps with the sweat and also the fact that the hair is not brushed) and make the trek to the "fitness room" which I am unsure of its location, but luckily as I exit the elevator on the first floor I see another girl in her "perfect" matching cute workout clothes! I follow her, thinking "oh great" I already feel like a "not so good enough" and I haven’t even made it to the "fitness room". So she (experienced treadmill girl) picks her treadmill and because I am not feeling bad enough yet standing next to her in my hillbilly workout clothes, I pick the one right next to her. I climb and stare at the digital readout screen in front of me, praying to Dear Jesus that He will highlight the buttons that I need to press in order for the machine to turn on. I get the belt to start moving, woo-hoo, so I turn on my MP3 player (I know you can already see I should have waited for day two to add the MP3 player!) I step on to the belt and get my feel for this. I got! I got it! So I start to increase the speed. Feeling very confident at this point I glance over to see what the digital readout screen says on for experienced treadmill girl. She has more miles ran than me and is moving faster, which immediately sparks a flame of competition in me, which I a normally not a competitive person, but I already have one mark against me since I am wearing the hillbilly workout clothes, I must take the lead in the best performance! So I bump up my speed. I am doing just fine, as long as I keep looking forward and up! Doing good! Keep going! So my left tennis shoe is all of a sudden feeling a little loose, so I look down to check it out, and in a matter of a second I am on my backside, feet in the air on the carpet of the "fitness room". I pull myself back up with a new shade of red on my face (not one of physical exertion) and the experienced treadmill girl looks over and asks me "are you okay?", to which I respond, "oh yeah my shoe was coming un-tied and I didn’t want to get it caught in the treadmill" That was my pride answering, right?! So I climb back on and get quickly back in the comparing and competing game with my experienced treadmill neighbor, keep in mind she is NOT competing with me, it’s a one side competition and the only prize is mine! Well I am happy to report I did not come flying off the treadmill and that I finished strong! So strong that I didn’t even get my whole lesson from God til hours later.
My lesson in this, is that when I take my eyes off God as the filler of who I am and when I "think" I can do it all on my own (pride) and that I don’t need Him, I will fall on my backside every time!

What did you bring me?

June 24, 2008



I had a wonderful weekend at She Speaks. I went with my agenda and boy did God make if VERY clear I was to throw it away.



The weekend was full of life lessons, meeting wonderful women, and God!



Coming back home-I arrived at the airport at 2:00am, retrieved my bags from the back of the shuttle, found my car and drove home. Arriving home at 2:30 dumped all my stuff and as I was getting ready to climb into bed I tried to share with my husband all the great highlights of the weekend, which could not be done quickly! As we got into to bed I knew I had to tell my husband sorry for something and ask his forgiveness, for something I had said to him many years ago. It involved capturing two llamas, getting them tied to the fence post, brushing and trimming toe nails. We are out in the pasture pretending we are llama whisperers, and my husband is quickly losing his patience. Well instead of reacting calmly and just "putting my self aside" and hanging in there, I decide to "help" the situation and tell him he is "being a mule in biblical terms". It will be no surprise when I tell you the situation did not get better from there. I threw my ropes down, left the pasture and decided the llamas could be his problem. Later that morning we tried to "discuss" what had happened in the pasture, and my stubborn self kept saying to him, "I didn't call you a mule in biblical terms, I said you were acting like one!" Because acting like one is way different! And for years later I believed that I was right.



It was not until Saturday nights session, when Renee Swope shared her "mule in biblical terms story" that I heard God saying, that I had hurt my husband, and that I had crushed his Spirit. God informed me that it doesn't matter "how" you said what you said, you hurt your husband and you need to ask for his forgiveness.



As we laid in bed at 2:40am I told my husband I was sorry for hurting him, and asked for him to forgive me for treating him so disrespectfully.



God brought me so many gifts, and blessings this past weekend, but the one that is so big to me right now, "go and give love to those around you!" I am so glad He brought me the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and to tell my husband I love him.



What has God brought to you today?

The One Thing

June 16, 2008
It hit me pretty hard a few days ago, anxiety, nerves, and fear. Satan is using the one thing that I hold very dear to my heart, my boys, and he is trying to use it to take my eyes of my purpose. The purpose God has called me to. Satan is trying to convince me that no one can take care of the boys like I can, and that they won’t be okay if I am gone. Know I know in my mind that this is insane, but my heart is feeling differently. So my mantra that I am repeating as often as need be, which right now is every few minutes:
Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (emphasizes mine)
When I read the above verses I hear God telling me this:
"Nichole don’t worry about anything, which includes your boys, I created them and I above everyone including you know how to care for them! So bring all your concerns to me and lay them down, and thank me because I will take them on as my own. As I take them on I am going to give you peace. A peace that will guard your heart so that Satan cannot get in and a peace that will keep your mind focused on me. I will do this all through Jesus, and remember Satan can’t get through Him."
Wow there is power in that!

Banana Peel

June 15, 2008
Last Sunday at breakfast we sat down to eat together. Steve picks up this banana and uses his fork to cut the peel off. As I look over Tyler, is picking up his banana in one hand and his fork in the other to try and imitate his daddy. Whoa, it hit me and it hit me hard. Tears welled up in my eyes and I made an excuse to get up from the table and go into the kitchen. I know its something as simple as a banana peel, but here it is, our little boy wants to be just like his daddy. One of the most important things I learned from my dad is to find the good in each and every day! Thank you God for being so good to me! May I live my life imitating You!

Happy Father’s Day may you see the good that is all around you!

I called your name

June 13, 2008
Do you remember standing in that line during PE class waiting to have your name called for teams? I absolutely hated that line; one reason was I wasn’t so athletic, which meant I was not one of the first ones to be picked. So towards the end I am standing there among the "not so good enough’s" wishing very badly PE was not a requirement of high school graduation. This was back when I truly thought that the "real world" was high school and that it was the center of the universe. Since then I am still not qualified to be on the all-star team. However, I am learning that God can use even me. God has called my name to be on His team, and the cool thing is I don’t have to tryout, or be qualified, He is going to take care of that. I just have to join the team!

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. John 15:16

Picture This

June 12, 2008
Have you ever looked at your life as a puzzle? I picture God up there with this HUGE box of puzzle pieces and He hands out the pieces as He sees "fit". He hands them to you at just the right time. Every piece counts! I am so amazed at how all the pieces fit together. He makes them all fit. It’s not up to us to try and figure out what piece we need, or even where it should go. He created you and the plan for your life, believe that, and let Him hand you the next piece.


And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Philippians 1:6 (New Living Translation)

Smile

June 10, 2008
What makes you smile? Is it hearing the laughter of children, is it flying an airplane, is it sitting in your backyard surrounded by flowers, green grass and birds chirping, is it going for a hike, is it scoring a goal, or is it eating dessert? I think smiling is evidence of joy in our lives. Joy that comes from within in our hearts, a joy that is placed their by our Creator. He wants to bring a smile to your face; He wants to fill you with joy.

Psalm 126:3
The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.