Monday, November 23, 2009

P-R-I-D-E

Welcome to the blog!

This is my Thanksgiving post for this year....with such a wacky title you probably are a little scared right? Well to be perfectly honest...so am I! You see I just logged into blogger and here I sit at my keyboard...no 'prepared' post...just a girl who has a whole lot to be thankful for and comes to share it with you all...in hopes that what you get to see is less of me...and more of the Jesus I am SO in love with.

As I lay in bed last night the tears falling into my pillow I was hurt, lonely, mad, angry and upset. That I haven't got it yet! I haven't be able to master this whole insanely frustrating most difficult issue...

PRIDE

As a girl who knows when to grab hands with pride, for me its a comfort thing, I tend to grab on tightly and sometimes so tightly I can literally feel God peeling me away from it!

I wish I could say right now that its just a 'little' issue of PRIDE in one area of my life...but nope...you see its a security blanket that I haul into all areas of my life!

And yesterday I held hands with PRIDE at church.

You see I am a momma who for some silly reason still thinks after 5 years that she can control the very words and actions that come out of her two little guys.

"Nichole your son did not have a good day in class today. He threw the little girls carrots on the floor, he pushed this little boy, and he laughed when the play doh was knocked on the floor"

Friends I carried this the entire day with me...

What are those people thinking of me?

Why in the world can I not get this whole mothering thing right?

Why did he do this? To make me look like a bad mom?

PRIDE and I were still holding hands when I got home from church!

What was my son's bad day at church made for a momma's bad day that I then allowed to effect the rest of the family.

All over my PRIDE.

You see as I type this out and share my heart...it is truly from the depths of my heart that I seek to be free from this.

Free from PRIDE.

You see I believe God could remove it all at once from me...and I know there are certain situations in which I tend to do better...

But if its one thing I just might be tuning into...is that this is a process.

A process of loosening the grip.

A process of peeling away the hand I hold with PRIDE.

A process of walking away.

A process of learning to grab His hand instead.

Dear Jesus thank You for a little boy who prayed this prayer last night, 'Jesus please forgive me for being naughty'. Lord this momma prays that same prayer, please forgive me for being naughty and choosing to hold hands with pride over You!

It was when I allowed Him to peel me away from the PRIDE that I then can see clearly. I can get the focus of myself and all my PRIDE issues...and live life how He intended...being thankful for what I do have!

I am SO Thankful for:
The Engineer
The Boys
Family
Friends
You my Blog Friends

I am SO VERY Thankful for my Jesus who loves me enough to keep working with 'a girl who has issues with PRIDE'.

***Have a GREAT Thanksgiving everyone! I am excited to start a new series on the blog after the holiday. What Happens When Women Say No! Come join me girlfriends!

14 comments:

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I see a difference in us; rather than my thinking about my "lack of mothering skills" after such a moment, I'd be finding ways to justify my child's actions. I wouldn't wear this one; I'd make someone else wear it.

Still ugly pride, either way.

Hang in there, mom. You're doing fine, both in the flesh and with your spirit. God is working in them both.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Love the new header, by the way. You're just one darling chick!

peace`elaine

Irritable Mother said...

Ugh. It's so hard not to let your baby's behavior become a reflection of who you are. To not think, I'm a bad mommy because he threw that toy, and now everyone in the nursery knows it!
Yep. I've dealt with those feelings, too. And - like you - I am so thankful that Jesus loves me, issues and all!

Love you, girl!

Runner Mom said...

Been right there with you--'cept it wasn't carrots! Child #1 bit another chld in day care after I went on and on the week before about "My child would NEVER bite someone else! I can't believe this could happen!" It does! It's still hard to let go even when they get bigger! It's a flesh struggle that we all deal with. Give it to God--He's the only One big enough to handle it! You're a great Mama!

Hope y'all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! You are such a precious friend!!
Love ya!
Susan

Lori said...

Oh, Nichole...it is such a process, as He transforms us bit by bit. You are way ahead of where I was! Your boy's are still young. I wish I had your wisdom WAY back then! But, it was through my boys that I finally had to cling to my Father. He was after me, all along. It was His way of allowing me to grow closer to Him. This is what I read during my q.t. this morning: "it is a change of heart produced by God's Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people," (Romans 2:29 ending). Don't ya just love that!

Happy, happy Thanksgiving! So thankful for God's Spirit which flows out of you on your blog, dear friend! Hugs & prayer's,
Lori - AZ

Nicole said...

Love you and are praying for you! I know that I will understand this some day regarding children. Until then, I am praying for those that I love dearly to let go and let God! Happy Thanksgiving! Eat an extra piece of pie for me. lol j/k...I'll be eating my own. :)

Nicole

Nicole said...

If others are judging you and your parenting skills then they have pride too. :) You've probably already thought of this....

Anyways, just trying to think of ways to encourage you without actually have gone through it. :)

So thankful that God's love for us or salvation is not based on our good works/or children or children to be's good works.

Sweet dreams my friend.

Kimberly said...

Nichole, as Elaine mentioned... we all struggle with pride in some form or another. I pray with you in forgiveness for holding hands with pride. I thank God for your transparency in allowing yourself to be remorseful and seeking God's forgiveness. Praise the Lord. Happy Thanksgiving week Nichole!

Sue J. said...

When you "work" so hard to be a mom, and you see how the Lord works in your child, you forget how easy it is for him or her to sin! And, once again, our children teach us, as we think we've got so much down pat, yet how easy is it for us to sin?

And doesn't it seem like these horrid moments come after great times of celebration, like your boys' date night?! It so happens here on girly outings, too.

I can't deny the truth that you're telling here, but don't let a moment's behavior get in the way of the fact that God is bigger, and He hears your heart and knows the pain, even as He sees the confusion in moms like us over our charge.

I'm so glad that He brings us to prayer in these times (and we bring ourselves to tears!), so that we can be refreshed and renewed with His Way, and we can start over!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

More than Survival said...

I think we are 'two peas in a pod'! I really struggle with pride in the form of control! God is working on my heart, too!! Praying for you... Pray for me??
Heather

Deborah Ann said...

I think you just took a look inside my heart. I am finally starting to be able to disregard what others think of me, and only weigh in on what God thinks of me. It sure is a lengthy process...

From the Heart said...

I've always been a perfectionist, but after reading your post I believe pride goes right along with that and I need God to help me with that. That just may be an answer to some questions I've had lately. That's an eye opener, thanks. I really need to pray about this. I don't want either to come between my Heavenly Father and I and I don't want people to see what I do but what God does through me. He deserves the glory for it all.

Blessings and have a wonderful Thanksgiving,
AliceE.

Kimberly said...

My prideful heart feels for you, girl! I woulda held hands with that one all day, too. I struggle with letting how my daughters behave define me as a mom. Thanks so much for this illustration...that I need to let go of Pride's hand and take my Father's hand. :)

Praying you have an awesome Thanksgiving!
Love you!
K

Tea With Tiffany said...

I've felt like you do more times than I can count. I understand pride and I too want full freedom from its grip.

I hope today is a sweeter day. A reminder of God's love to you regardless of how your kids or even you behave.

Love you, dear,

Joyful said...

Oh sweet Nichole. I hold hands with pride so often. I must be sitting two away from you, holding hands on the other side.

Each year the Lord gives me a verse to be my focus, and for an entire year the Lord had me focused on pride. At the end of it I trust there was a difference. I am certainly more aware of it's ugly head and more sensitive to the first sight of it rising up within me.

I could relate to your story so well. When my son was young, one Sunday he wanted to sit in church..in the FRONT ROW...with our Youth Pastor's family. They had two boys who were younger than my son at the time. We said yes. First mistake! It was an ordination service for one of our Pastors. At one point ALL the Pastors were called to the front to lay hands on the Pastor being ordained. That left three little boys in the front row alone. During the prayer, noise and laughter began. I couldn't nudge my husband fast enough to do something, but it was too late. These little boys were disrupting such a beautiful service. I was mortified. I still remember some of the remarks made afterwards...and the looks! Why did it bother me so? PRIDE! I should have been more concerned about teaching my son reverence for the Lord.

Love ya my friend. I too need to learn to grab His hand instead,
Joy