Monday, February 8, 2010

Confessions from the girl in the closet

Now if you have come to read a truly inspiring uplifting and encouraging post...I am not sure what to tell might not find it here!

I have just come to 'journal' if you will some thoughts and some pieces of my heart!

I had one of 'those' Sundays yesterday. Now if you are male and reading this...this might go right past you so fast you can't even see it...but if your female...oh boy am I hoping there is one other female out there on planet earth that has had one of 'those' Sundays. (Oh and just so you know...I have had many of them...thats why they are officially called 'those' Sundays because its now a category...a group of them if you will!) Anyway.

I wake up in a GREAT mood...ready to start the Sunday...I go in and greet the boys and tell them good morning and they are both so excited that its "Super Bowl SNACK Sunday"...the day where there is a table full of snacks and they get to pick whatever they want! The morning is going just dandy...okay...lets back up...once I walk into the kitchen I am hit with the thought and feeling all of a sudden of being the only female in this its something I live with everyday so really why is it bothering me so much? From that moment on its like my brain...aka all my thoughts are out of whack...from too many cracker boxes being open in the pantry, to being called out to look at some 'spots' on someones head, to sitting at the table surrounded by boys all excited about the "snacks"...while inside this girlie is feeling so lonely...oh and getting a little overwhelmed at the thought have having to make all the snacks.

After breakfast I head off to get dressed and ready for church. As I am standing in my closet having one of the infamous "those" Sundays attacks with what to wear...the tears...and the emotions are at an all time high...oh and even the most amazing Engineer enters the closest at one point to 'help' with the outfit...friends it didn't go so well for him...the closest is small and the hormones were too large!

I eventually find something to wear...which unforunately does not make me 'feel' any better...but at least I am legal and can leave the house and enter to the public format of church!

Praying and hoping that 'church' will solve my mental frame of mind.

Lets just say...I was called in to the boys Sunday School brother decided that his brother needed to 'feel' how upset he was by using his teeth.

And again the male readers might not relate with this one...but girls you have all been in a women's restroom...and heard conversations...well one particular conversation left me feeling so overwhelmed...I couldn't and didn't know how to solve it! Why I took it so just as goofy as why I was so consumed with too many cracker boxes being open in the pantry!?!

I walked in to the worship center and the Engineer knew I was still not in the right frame of mind. Yeah I have always been so discreet with my emotions...HA!

You know what God did though for this girlie who just couldn't pull out of the funk?

He delivered an amazing message...through his servant, who just happens to be our new pastor!

God whispered to my heart...

You are carrying too much! Come lay it down.

And so I did. I walked up to an altar and laid it down.

To think that I can be all things to all people is living in the yuck of pride.

I can't.

Thats Gods job!

So back home in that closet of mine...I changed out of my church clothes. Put on some comfy clothes and decided to make the choice to just do my job...

be in relationship with Him.

And let Him do His job!

And friends that choice in the closet yesterday afternoon...has helped me to breathe a little deeper today.


Runner Mom said...

Love this! I understand about the only woman in the house too--unless we count the dog! And the closet thing--mine is a scary place, Nichole!! Very scary!!

Don't you love it when God just whispers to your heart in the middle of our "crisis"--He is ultimately in control if only we allow Him to be--PTL!!

Love you!

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...

Lovely Nichole.

One of my life scriptures is:
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I allow Him to give me rest a lot easier now than I did in the past.

Praise God for His awesomeness!

Lori said...

Oh Nichole, this hits home! I can totally relate, only I get to throw a boy dog in the picture too! ha-ah

But. There's God! And, I know what you mean, He is so good to get our focus back on Him and off of us! I'm choosing God, right along beside you, Nichole! :)
Hugs, Lori

Cindy said...

Yep...nearly 30 years and still the only woman in the home...even the dog is male...lots of 'Sunday's' in the closet...but also lots of Grace and Redeeming moments through out those years...only because of HIM...not on my own...and yes...we do have to make those choices...more than I'd care to are precious...thank you for sharing this today!!!

Irritable Mother said...

Yes, yes! I understand!
And God understands, too. HE knew where you were, and what you needed. And HE spoke to your heart in the middle of the closet.

You got kissed, girlie. Kissed by the KING!

BTW, I loved the statement about the closet being too small, and the hormones too big. Been there, too! LOL!

Kimberly said...

Oh, I love how He tenderly meets with us on "those" days. He is such a wonderful Father! And I definitely have had my fair share of "those" Sundays. :)

You have a tender and teachable heart, Nichole...some would have stayed in a funk and not heard a word the pastor said. But you long to be where God desires you to be. You are a Him and to others. :)

Love you,

Amy@LivinginHarmony said...

Being the only woman in the house may not be such a bad thing. A couple of months ago my daughter and I both had a "Sunday in the closet" at the same time. I felt so bad for the men in the house. Thank God that He does meet us wherever we are even in the closet.

Sue J. said...

We have the 3-to-1 ratio the other way at our house, but I have lugged many a funk over that into church, been pulled out of worship for little girl's issues and then returned home to the closet to let it all sink in.... And even if I didn't see God's working in the service that day, He often reaches me in that "closet time" afterward. When I can finally stop and just be with Him and my thoughts.

He is SUPER! And I'm so glad that He is speaking to you this week, and encouraging you to see that you don't have to live overwhelmed (except through His grace)!

Joyful said...

Oh Nichole, you are just so precious! I too am the only female in our home. I am the only one who cares about neat and tidy, pretty and sweet. It is hard sometimes, but I love how the Lord spoke to you and how you made a decision to obey. You could have continued having one of "those" Sundays, but you didn't. You could have continued to feel alone and lonely, but you didn't. You could have heard God's message and still decided to throw yourself a pity party thinking the Lord really didn't understand, but you didn't. Thanks for this example and for choosing to surrender your emotions and your circumstance and move on with Jesus.

I love you friend!!!

Pinkshoelady said...

Hey Girl,
I get this! Though I don't have a house full of boys..I do have a daughter who at 10 already looks like a model and I am gray haired and chubby on the outside but feel like I shound still be a size 4 on the inside. I have Poor Pitiful Pam days or even worse the "Ugly Pam" days.
A verse God gave me that makes me smile even then is Psalm 94:19 "When I am upset and beside myself, You, Lord, calm me down and cheer me up!" The Message

I don't know any woman who doesn't jusy get beside themselves once in a while.

Love you thanks so much for your heart and friendship.