Monday, April 12, 2010

Failure

Hey thanks for clicking open the blog…with a title like that it can be kind of overwhelming!

In the state I grew up in, you could go and get your drivers license at the age of 16.First I took the behind the wheel test, passed and then it was on to the written portion of the test…which if my memory serves me correctly was actually done on a computer. I took the test and afterward went up to the DMV lady behind the counter for my results…”failed”.

I would have to come back and re-take the test.

I attended college to earn a degree in dental hygiene. I took two years of pre-req’s and then applied for the dental hygiene program. I was accepted into the program and worked very hard for two years. My senior year of hygiene school was very intense, I was taking 20+ credits a term, seeing patients in clinic, senior project, working part time, pursuing my “potential husband”, and studying for boards. To obtain my dental hygienist license I had to take a written and clinical anesthesia board, a national written exam, graduate and take clinical boards.

I took my clinical boards and then had to wait for the results to come in the mail.

I was going out to the mailbox everyday in anticipation. One day my results came in the mail. I ran back into my apartment tore open the big envelope and the only word that stood out on the page was “FAILED”…it was in big black bold letters…and the text seemed to get bigger and bolder the longer I stood there.

I would have to wait a period of time and re-take the clinical board exam.

If it is one thing this prideful, perfectionist, stubborn, needing to be in control girlie doesn’t do well with it is failure!

I think I could list things I haven’t tried in my life because I was too afraid of failing. Maybe you can relate and maybe you can’t. To continue on the whole honesty and bearing my heart here on the blog today…I was truly afraid of being a mom…its why I told myself and others for awhile “I just don’t think I will be a mom” .I was quite alright with it…I didn’t want to fail!

But God.

He has other plans for us. I am a mom…and just so you know…I don’t drive a car pool…in case you are still concerned about me failing the whole drivers test…oh and currently the only teeth cleaning I do…is my dogs!

In just these past few days…I have been presented with a different aspect of the fear of failing.

Failing in my faith.

Now please hear my heart on this…and keep with me. I am not ready to cash in the whole thing…my relationship with my Jesus is my purpose for living…I am sure of that!

But I fear if I don’t stretch my faith…walk out in faith…leap in faith…grab on to my Jesus’ hand and just go for it…

Then I could be failing the whole faith thing.

I have been reading in Mark chapters 4-6 these past few days. And there is a bunch of faith examples.

At the end of Mark 4…the disciples find themselves in a storm and Jesus asks them…

“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have not faith?” Mark 4:40

Fear and faith.

In Mark chapter 5 we see Jairus come to Jesus in faith.

“My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live” Mark 5:22

And a women who had suffered many years, reaches out in faith and touches His robe.

“Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
Mark 5:34

Faith takes the place of fear. Faith heals. Faith gives life.

Yesterday as I sat and listened to Pastor Mike preach an amazing sermon, there was one verse and question that has stuck with me.

This is Jesus speaking…

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” John 14:12

Do I believe Jesus? Really ‘greater things’ then Him? Do I have that kind of faith?

Jesus is the truth. What He says is!

So this morning as I was asking God to make the connection between what I know in my head and catch my heart up…I read this in Mark 6…

“He could not do any miracles there, except lay His hands on a few sick people and heal them. And He was amazed at their lack of faith.” Mark 6:5-6

Jesus wanted to do greater things. He had greater things to do…but the people let their pride and unbelief get in the way!

I am afraid to fail. That’s the honest to goodness truth.

But I hear my Jesus on this one…and I know in Him all things are possible.

This faith thing is not something I will get right every time…or even be able to perfect…He perfects our faith! Amen!

I find myself on this Monday hearing His voice, listening and obeying.

Am I scared? You bet!

But faith requires action.

And in my action I am choosing to believe Jesus is faithful to fulfill His promises!

9 comments:

Daughter of the KING said...

Fear of failure seems to be a common thing among women. How many times have I backed off due to fear? Let me count the times, no let's not.

Thank you for the honest post. May we each grow stronger in our faith today. "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief".

Be blessed.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Was Moses afraid of going back to Egypt? You bet. But I think there was something that caused him greater fear...

Missing out on God's intended purpose for his life. At 80, he'd been waiting for a long time to fulfill that purpose. He finally took the faith steps necessary to get there, and I don't imagine he holds any regrets in the matter.

Keep walking forward, friend. Faith always move forward. Always. I think you're on your way.

peace~elaine

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...

Nichole,

I can surely relate. As Elaine mentioned Moses. He was afraid a lot. God called upon him and he tried to talk himself out of it. Thank God HE is faithful to see us through it. Amen.

Warren Baldwin said...

We all fail at something, sometime, don't we? I can think of a graduate class ... and don't like the memory of it. Fortunately, God does sustain us. Faith can conquer fear. Very good post.

Note: Linked here from Tiffany's fb comments about her class. I blog, too - Family Fountain.

Kimberly said...

Oh,sweet, sweet friend! I am so with you on needing to exercise my faith muscle! Where God had me was with Peter stepping out of the boat. When Peter began to sink and Jesus called him, "you of little faith"...my Bible notes said that "little faith" would be like saying "underdeveloped" faith. That, I am afraid to say is ME!!!! My faith muscle, it's like a little pitiful spaghetti noodle kind of muscle! Not a big strong obviously been used kind of muscle!

So proud of you for flexing your faith muscle! For trusting Him as He invites you on a great adventure with Him!

Love you! :)
Learning to flex my muscles instead of fearing failure, too!
K

Cindy said...

FAITH: Some days I have so much and feel as though I could conquer the world and the next day I want to roll up into a little ball and hide from the smallest of things. I suppose that means there are days when I allow God to live through me and others when I take it all back and attempt to live life on my own. Faith like David to stand up against the giants in our lives and KNOW that God will do what He says He will do! I love what you said about your heart catching up with your mind. 12 inches is a long journey sometimes:)
Love you lots,
Cindy

Lori said...

I wonder how many blessings we miss out on due to our lack of faith? More than I can count! The more I seek Him, the more I'm afraid not to go all the way with Him. His Word tells us He will never leave us, and that He only gives us what we can handle. Oh, desiring to obey Him with all of my heart.

Thank you for your complete honesty, dear Nichole! We all can relate!
Lori

Sue J. said...

We just finished Beth Moore's "faithfulness" chapter in her fruit of the Spirit study. "Faith fights," she says. Why does faith fight? Because we know what happens when we go THROUGH to the other side of whatever we're facing.

If we skirt around our lives--trying to avoid failure (our fear of failing)--we will miss the amazing goodness that God has for us. We know that there is His good when we get through.

It's OK that we experience fear, because we're human and we're going to do that. It's not OK not to bring our fears to God. ("Do not be anxious about anything....")

You have seen "failure" in black and white, and yet you have persevered in His Name, and you have known His promises fulfilled, and keep pressing on! AMEN to that, Nichole!!

Joyful said...

OK...well God's timing for me to read this today is incredible!!! Last night, chatting with a friend, I shared these exact same sentiments. I told her of my lack of faith. I told her of my fear of failure.

I recently wrote on my blog: Failure won't kill me. Meaningless will. (http://ponderinginhispresence.blogspot.com/2010/03/kiwi-anyone_25.html)

I am so afraid Nichole...but more afraid of missing what the Lord has planned for me.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” Anais Nin.

Let's bloom together my friend.
Hugs,
Joy