Monday, March 23, 2009

Right where you are

Jesus was 30 years old before He started His ministry, a ministry that would last three years. He did a whole lotta work in these three years. He packed in a whole lot of teaching, healing and loving on people.

The mission of Jesus was to bring God to the people. He came to restore a relationship that just couldn’t be fixed by the law of the OT. He came to be a ladder between God and His people.

During the three years of His ministry Jesus met people right where they were.

  • The disciples on the shores with their fishing boats.

  • Matthew at work with his tax paperwork.

  • A woman who’s past was the talk of the town.

Jesus came to where they were at to bring them a grace and loved filled relationship. He came to meet them where they were to bring them closer to the Father.

He came to meet with me. To remind me of His love for me.

God told me, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love! Jeremiah 31:3 The Message (emphasis mine)

As God and I have talked over the past few days He has showed me that my healing was something He would do, but that I can’t limit His ways or His timetable. Oh and that what I thought needed healing, my physical body, there was oh so much more to it!

Part of my Journal entry from 3-20-09

"Yesterday’s diagnosis is very hard for me to take and deal with. I can’t. Why is that? Why is there a stigma to the diagnosis? Why do I think I can control everything? To hear that a part of my brain is not functioning properly hit hard to the core. You see I wanted it to be something that wasn’t so personal feeling, like something that wasn’t my fault. For this feels like I should have control over this. I want to be bigger and better than that. For it feels so weak to be this way. Lord please lead me through this process every step of the way. Please give me the wisdom to discern Your will and voice in this. I don’t want to be labeled with a diagnosis. I want to be labeled with Your Son." Amen

This weekend He has answered my cry, and has led me through the steps of understanding the process. Here is a look at our weekend dialogue:

He says:
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:22-25

I say:
My faith is in You God. I know You are mighty and capable of anything. I want to be used so that you receive all the glory and honor. I am willing to submit my life. I submit my physical pain as a sacrifice for you, to bring worship to You!

He says:
But Samuel replied,
"What is more pleasing to the Lord:your burnt offerings and sacrificesor your obedience to his voice?Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 1 Samuel 15:22 (NLT)

I hear God telling me

"Nichole I don’t want a ritual sacrifice from you. I want a love relationship with you. One where I bring you closer to my heart. And out of love for me, you will obey. Bringing you closer to my heart Nichole means things have to go that are blocking our relationship."

The rest of the journal entry:

"Lord I come this morning to kneel before You. I come to ask forgiveness of judging the people around me over the years. For thinking I knew better, for thinking they just weren’t trying hard enough, for thinking their problems or issues were their own fault. Father please forgive me for judging them out of my pretense, my pride, my issues with self-control. Forgive me for placing on them "a law of requirements" a law that I have placed on myself. Lord forgive me for not seeing the people You created in Your very image how You see them. I know Your precious word tells me that I see the outside, but You see the heart. I am praying this morning Lord Jesus see my heart, clean, repair and renew it. Only You have the power to do this Lord. I come this morning to seek Your forgiveness for any stigma that I have added to this or put on the people around me. Please forgive me Lord." Amen

You see I thought I had control over my body, and so should other people. My pride led me to look down on those around me. I am guilty of thinking of others, "quit whining, get yourself together and take control of yourself". And now I stand corrected in my thoughts. There are things that I can control, and those are the choices to take care of His temple. To eat healthy, exercise, manage stress, and to let Him control the things I can’t.

Yesterday He showed me what a healing heart could do for Him. The phone rang yesterday evening as I was making dinner. It was someone who God has brought in my life to love on. She called to share that she was feeling some guilt and shame from a choice she had made. We had a great conversation, we shared, we talked about God’s unconditional, grace filled healing love, and we prayed together. And you know what I am praising God for, making the ministry Living My Life On Purpose, have such awesome and eternal purpose. You see this phone call came at just the right time, it was part of the healing process for me.

A healing of the mind, body and soul. For I stand in awe of a God who cares so much to not let me settle. He keeps meeting with me right where I am!

May you know that He wants to meet with you, right where you are. He has a grace and love filled relationship waiting for you. Let Him lead the way, cause it will take you right to His heart!


TAMI said...

"I want to be labeled with Your Son." How glorifying and "In Him" is this desire. Of and into His heart - that is our created existence!!

It's His kindness to leads us to repentance, and from there refreshment & healing comes!

Chatty Kelly said...

I really related to this post! I am there with the wanting control and the "pull yourself up by your boot straps" mentality. I'm so glad God is revealing more and more of himself to you on this journey. Bless you.

Tea With Tiffany said...

Precious inside look at your heart, your relationship with God and your purpose as of today!

Heavenly Father, thank you for using Nichole in my life in ways she will never know. Continue to give her healing, in body, soul and spirit. Pour a greater sense of Your love into her heart. Revive her and renew her. Use her blog to touch lives for You. You are worthy of all our attention. We love you, Lord. Thank you for loving us first. What a gift. in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sue J. said...

I think it's really, really hard to be completely vulnerable in this place. You have done an amazing thing in letting your heart do the writing in these past few posts.

You need to hear, though, is that this blog from your heart really does focus on Him. It really does! I don't read this and think, "Oh, there goes Nichole again, talking about herself...." So, so far removed from anything like that.

If anything, you pull us closer to you, and closer to Him at the same time. Praying for you is so natural, because we truly can't do anything more powerful than that (much as we would like to try). And I do believe that He continues to do great things through you!

Be encouraged, friend! Keep writing...journaling....letting your heart take over. We see Him...we see Him in you. And we continue to pray that Our Great God will heal you and strengthen you.

Kimberly said...

I love Tami's reminder that with repentance comes times of refreshing and healing. I would be lying to you if I said that I have never had to walk through some things I have judged others for.

As a matter of fact, VERY recently I have been facing some personal difficulties that I know I looked at someone else close to me in judgement about while they were facing it. And this heart is having to repent...but I know I also need to receive His love. Love, love, and more love.

What an awesome and amazing God we serve. And I am so glad to be serving Him with you! :)
Still praying, friend.

Sharon said...

Wow are you growing, He is really working on your heart and it's showing in your writing. You have are such a blessing.
It's the Love, the unconditional Love!
Have a beautiful day

Nicole said...

Hey Nichole. I just got done typing my response to this entry, and it was soo long that I didn't push save. I would love to email you if that's okay. What is your email address? I will look on your home page and website as it may be on there.

Love ya,

Krista said...

Hey! Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart, your words have truly blessed me. Guess I chose the right day to read a's been five months.

Know that you are in my prayers,

Mildred said...

May our loving God wrap His arms around you and comfort you. You are wonderful in His sight and He is with you through it all. Thank you for being a blessing!

Lori said...

Dear Nichole,
Thank you for sharing your heart.
You truly are an inspiration to all that read your blog.
God has cleaned your heart.
You, sweet sister, are cleansed by His blood! You've given your control over to God...
What does He want from you and I?
*To obey Him & the commands He gives us...
*To submit ourselves over to Him...
*To walk daily with Him...
How do we do that?
Daily, stay in His Word.

I'm praying for you,
Lori - Mesa, AZ

From the Heart said...

Hi, Thanks for your visit and comment on my blog. After reading yours I can understand why the poem "Be Still" ministered to you.
I'm so sorry to hear the results of your MRI. This has got to be a God thing because you and I have exchanged comments only once that I remember. I remember reading that you were to have an MRI. I put that poem in draft 2 days ago and when I was putting the date to publish it the 23rd and 24th came to my mind. Of course I chose today for a reason but I feel it was for a reason. I may have told you before that I have dealt with health issues since my early 20's and I'm very, very close to 69. God has done some miraculous things in my life but I have never received total healing. I know He has healed me of some other things since then. I have grown stronger and bolder in my walk with God since 1999. My story is on the left sidebar of my blog or the link to it if you would like to read it.

I hesitate to ask this but I would really like to know what drew you to my blog today. If you don't feel you can share that, it's okay. My blog is totally comitted to my Heavenly Father and I try to follow His leading. I don't want any glory for anything but I do know God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.

You will certainly be in my prayers.

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...

Nichole... what an awesome blessing. I love the transparency here.

Lord, I pray in asking you for forgiveness of my attitude toward others. I've been judgmental and not even paying attention. Father God, You are so awesome that I can't even begin to comprehend it. I thank You for Nichole's post. I pray that I continue to learn and that You would continue to teach me. I pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

Joyful said...

Nichole, I too have been guilty of thinking incorrectly about others and then later finding myself facing similar circumstances and God working His will in my life to correct my thoughts. Refiners fire.

Continuing in prayer for you my sweet friend. Your life has great purpose!

Love ya,