Friday, March 13, 2009

Where I am...really!

On Saturday January 10th of this year it was as if someone flipped a light switch on that controlled my life. I have had a constant headache everyday since then. A headache that will intensify with no notice and sometime for no apparent reason. I have blurry vision and my eyes feel tired most of the time. Too much movement of my head causes me to be dizzy and lightheaded. My neck is either stiff or painful. When I lower my head down to do normal everyday tasks like take laundry out of the washer, zip up a little guys jacket, buckle a little one into a car seat the pain and pressure increases in my head and there is a sharp shooting pain that goes down my neck into my back. My arms feel weak and tired, and my hands/fingers tingle. There is pain in my lower back. There is a burning sensation in my knees, and my legs are tired and weak. My toes are tingly.

I have struggled with sharing parts of this for a long time. I have bounced between its my story and its no ones business. And I most definitely am not sharing for pity or of someone to feel sorry for me. I also don’t want to convey the message that my life is harder or more important. Many people, many family members and friends are going through very tough times too!

I have been reading about a whole lot of healing that Jesus did in the Bible. There are many times when Jesus would heal someone and then He would instruct them to not share their story because it wasn’t the right time. (Luke 8:56) Then this morning I read these words:

"Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him. Luke 8:39

I have to be honest with you. I am still smack dab in the middle of this storm. A storm that is very strong and very real and is not just affecting me but the lives of my husband and my boys. So even this morning I asked God ‘why do you want me to share where I am?’

His answer:

Because I want you to tell people that I am with you. That I am protecting your family. I want people to know that I am bringing you peace. Share with them that I am working, even in the midst of this storm.

And because of who He is, I am at peace knowing He is in control. I am choosing to believe He will bring purpose to this!

Please be in prayer for:

1- The Engineer and our two little guys, as this storm is very hard on them!
2- MRI appointment tomorrow
3- Doctor appointments next week to review MRI results and meet with a Neurologist at the University of Washington.

Father God You are Sovereign. In Your mighty hands You hold all that is precious and dear to You. You are in control. You know the way, and how it will come to be and You fully understand. I pray Your complete will to be lived out in my life. I pray I submit and I offer to you a teachable, honest and humble heart. You are the provider of all we will ever need. Please forgive me for holding onto things that need to be released to You so that You can work. May I see others how Your grace filled loving heart sees them. Remove from me temptations. Keep my eyes fixed on You. For You are to be glorified in everything! I love You Lord-Amen.


Cindy said...

Hi Friend,
I have not been by for awhile due to my own set of 'issues' which I spilled some beans about on my last post.

Interesting how God asks us to share, not for sympathy or pitty, but so HE receives the Glory as HE works in our circumstances.

I am praying for you as you travel this new journey and season in your life.

I am amazed at how many Christian bloggers are under attack. It IS the last days. AND...HE will be GLORIFIED!!!!

Love you my friend,

Kimberly said...

I am praying, sweet friend!

Love you,

Wendy said...

God gave me a great reminder last year (via a Lindsey Kane song) and the lyrics are running through my mind as I read your blog and ponder a comment to leave.

"You didn't pull me out of it, but you pulled me toward you in it."

I will pray for your appointments, your healing and your faith in all of this. But most, my friend, I pray that beyond anything else these days you feel Him pull you close.

Jason & Kala said...

Oh Lord,
We lift our hearts and hands as a simply offering asking for healing for Nichole. Lord, as you do a mighty work in her let her never cease to praise Your Holy Name. We call on I AM to carry this wonderful family through their Eygpt. There seems to be no end but Your divine plan will show Your Glory in all things. Thank you for the blessing Nichole is to me, on behalf of her I humbly ask you to heal her body and let her testify of Your grace and mercy!!
May Nichole be broken and poured out before you, that You alone will give guidance to doctors and give hope.

Sassymama said...

Kingdom building truth. Hang in there sweetie! Love you! Sabin

Chatty Kelly said...

Thank you for sharing! I know it is hard. It is easy to share our triumps, and hard to share our trials. But when you are weak, then HE is strong. And he will accomplish the good work he has begun in you, sister. Keep the faith - you are, I can see it in you.

My ADHD Me said...

Oh Nichole...I am so sorry to read about your pain. You see, it seems we have very similar symptoms. Believe me when I say I understand. I also know how hard it was to write this post. I too sometimes feel like I shouldn't write about my pain and problems....after all, everyone has their own issues. HOWEVER, reading your post today helped me realize that I am less alone than I realized.

I also understand how difficult it is to be in constant pain, but to others, look like everything is fine. (no blood, no broken bones, no visible deformities). It is impossible sometimes to explain it to others and then when you do, you feel like they may think you are just complaining or lazy.

I ALSO understand the guilt. You make plans and then may have to cancel them. There are things you want to do with your children, but sometimes you just can't.

It also affects other parts of your life. After 38 years of searching, I found what I loved doing in life. Firefighting. Now, because of my pain, it is doubtful I'll ever be able to step on a fire engine again. It isn't possible to explain how much that hurts me, but somehow I think you understand.

I'm praying for you and am looking forward to hearing how you doctor appt goes.

Sharon said...

Remember my friend when we are weak he is strong, he is there with you, always with you! He will never leave you nor forsake you. You are very strong and I know you will conquer. I pray for you everyday that you will stay strong and find peace. I wonder if there's something in the air, I have been dealing with most of the things you have described, it's wierd and I haven't said anything, but I think my hubby is starting to notice. I just tell him I'm getting older and I can't do the things I use to do. It's wierd but we have the Lord in our lives and in our hearts and we Will pull through. Amen!!
Love ya my friend "Blessings"
Try and have a beautiful day!

Anonymous said...

God is on your side....Amen
Love, Hugs and Prayers

Tea With Tiffany said...

Wow, this was a hard post for a mercy person like me to read. I'm sorry for your present storm. Thank you for sharing where you really are at with us. Now I can pray for specifically. Thank you for the words that God is giving you "I am." How true and how comforting to know our God is always with us.

You still are living life with purpose in this storm. You are His light shining brightly. A lighthouse for all to see. You've been so purposeful to encourage me through your emailed prayers. You bless and bless when you feel weak and hurt. That is huge. An amazing love offering! Thank you for being who God made you to be. A daughter of the Most High God who lives life with passion and purpose. I love you!

Wish I could give you a hug! Wish I could help you with ordinary home things like chores. Wish I could take away your physical pain. I can't. But I can pray and I will. You are not alone. I pray your storm will pass soon and that a rainbow of hope will burst forth!

Your life matters to me.


Sue J. said...

"And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm."
--Casting Crowns

I hear 'storm' and I now automatically think this song. This is a really tough journey that you are on, and that you are able to keep your focus and purpose is because you love Him, and He loves you and has great plans for you.

You have to let Him take what you cannot equally pull with Him right now...if that makes sense. You are certainly not in a position to pull more. It is an opportunity for us to lift you up in prayer, for others to step forward to help in tangible ways, for you to rest and trust fully in Him....and other things that we don't understand, but He does.

As you have encouraged us in our journeying, continue to know that He walks beside, and He won't let you go! Prayers for relief, prayers for support...tomorrow and in these days ahead. I am grateful that He has encouraged you to share your burdens with us, that we might know His presence.

Mylah said...

Dear Friend,

I love you so much! God is so proud of you for sharing this with us. I am lifting you up in prayer RIGHT NOW!

Satan is busy...really busy. However, as Micah 7:7 states, watch "expectantly" for the Lord. He hears you Nichole.

Love you my dear sister.


Penny King said...

Another old song we used to sing in church goes something like this:

"I've never seen a rainbow, until after the rain. I've never felt a healing touch, until after the pain. I've never seen the sunshine, till I've lived through the night. And I've never had the victory, until after the fight!

We have the power, in the name of Jesus! We have the power, in the name of the Lord! Though Satan rages, we will NOT be defeated! We have the power, in the name of the Lord!"

You and I both know He will bring you through as shining gold. I am adding you to my prayer list, and please keep us posted!

I love and miss you BUNCHES!! And am here for you ANYTIME!

Love and prayers,

Runner Mom said...

Hey, sweet friend! THank you for sharing more about what you are going through during this season. We all love you and will continue to pray for His time! That is so difficult for us to do!God's time and ours! I pray that today will be one of comfort and peace for you! You are in my prayers!

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Birthday Girl,
Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday dear Ninnie...Happy Birthday to You.
Thank-You for being a such a wonderful blessing for ***32*** years.
Love, Mom

Chatty Kelly said...

Happy Birthday to YOU!! Hope it's great.

My ADHD Me said...

So someone is having a birthday?
May your birthday be the beginning a terrific new year!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday NICOLE!!!!
Happy Birthday To YOU!!!!!!

Sue J. said...

Left you a card on my blog; come visit!

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...


I'm right there with you! Nuff said!

Love in Jesus,

Edie said...

I am praying for you daily Nichole. Thank you for sharing some specifics to pray for as well. You do much for others. Now we get the privelidge of doing a little for you.

Happy Birthday!! There is a little birthday wish at my blog for you too. :)

God bless!!

Van said...

I am so sorry you are going through this deal! What a bummer. I wish I could take it away. I will be praying and asking God to heal you as you seek doctors to give you answers. You are precous in His sight.

Jody said...

Hi Nichole,
I came over from Rich Gifts, Edie. I haven't lived what you're living, but am where your husband and children are, my husband has suffered with chronic nerve pain for 13 years, he's a pastor. God has always been with us and never left and has been our refuge. I'm reading in Ezra and found just today a precious gem: "...The hand of our God is for good on all those who seek him..." 8:22, and "...for the hand of the Lord his God was on him." Ezra 7:6 Who would have thought those precious words were in Ezra? and I would come across your blog today? and I would be able to encourage you with God's unchanging Word. God bless today. You can find me at

Marla said...

Edie sent me over to visit you and wish you a Very Happy Birthday. I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I am sending up prayers for you and hope that all turns out well for you. I am having a few issues as well, some heart stuff going on. I will pray for strength for your husbanc and boys as well. May God be with you, he always is!

From the Heart said...

I, too, just came from Edie's at Rich Gifts to wish you a Happy Birthday.
She also said that you needed a healing. I, too, have battled with health issues for many, many years. I put my story on my blog sometime last year. Just recently I felt the Lord leading me to put something on my sidebar linking back to that post. It's at on the left sidebar. You will see the title My Story (Click on the heart) which is a logo I used on cards that I use to do through my church. God has been so good to me. I'm not totally healed but maybe my story will give you some hope. He has done some miraculous things in my life and I feel He wants me to share it with others. By the stripes of Jesus we are healed. One day that will be true for all of us who are Christians.
Be Encouraged, God is not through with us yet,

Cindy said...

Hey Nicole,

Wanted to stop by again and wish you a very Happy Birthday.

I am praying that God has given you a fabulous day filled with Blessings and Health.

May He be all you Need in this new year!!

You are an inspiration to so many - I pray we can be an inspiration to you.

Be strong in HIM.
Happy Birthday.

Mary Moss said...

You will be in my prayers for healing. God bless you!

Joyful said...

Nichole, praying for you my sweet friend.

"I want you to tell people that I am with you. That I am protecting your family. I want people to know that I am bringing you peace. Share with them that I am working, even in the midst of this storm."

God is in control. (I posted the video to that song on my blog today.) I love your heart of surrender and trust.

Praying for you,

Runner Mom said...

Happy birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, darlin' friend!
Happy Birthday to you!!

Hope your day was wonderful!!
Love you!

Wendy said...

Did you get any "immediate" news from your MRI? Still holding you up in prayer dear one.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Wow...look at the response here...29 comments.

There is so much power in sharing our pain. God is glorified more than we could ever be "pitied" through sharing our pain and how He's sustaining us.

Many times, I share only for the hope of pointing others to Him. In my last post, my point was to share my heart and share where the Lord is in my heart and life...nothing to be gained. I had already solicited prayers from people but I desired to share my journey in hopes one of the few readers would gleam anything for His glory from it.

Thanks for be obedient to Him.