Confessions

Have you ever spent time trying to figure out what you are working for? What your goal is? What you are trying to earn?


Confessions of a Daughter:
I would have to be honest and say that growing up as a daughter to my parents I spent most of my time trying to earn their love, not that they were requiring it on their end. But rather I found myself trying to earn their approval and acceptance. I worked hard to give them reasons to love me. Grades, extracurricular activities, sports, dressed appropriately, had the right friends.

Confessions of a Sister:
While being honest I would have to admit that I tried to pave a road, make things smooth and easy for my younger sister. You know a most excellent way to follow and walk in. And when her steps didn't quite line up with mine, I spent too much time wondering where I went wrong and got her off track.

Confessions of a Wife:
Did you know that marriage is Gods design and NOT mine! Yeah well this took my much trial and error too figure this one out. I was stubborn, prideful and arrogant enough to try it my way the first time and fell smack dab into a very ugly mess. One only He could clean up! So with His grace of a second chance I am still learning big words like submission and love!

Confessions of a Friend:
Careful to share too much, for what if they saw that I had real thoughts, real hurts. Keeping friends at a distance would be more comfortable for me. When would I realize that friends and relationships were not about me. But rather that a relationship was meant to be real, genuine and needed to be focused on the other person!

Confessions of a Mom:
I didn't want to be a mom, why? Well to be perfectly honest it would be something I KNEW I couldn't control. I was a very observant bystander of the moms in the stores. Why weren't they controlling the temper tantrums? Would I have a special secret? What about the heartache of something happening to your children that you couldn't prevent like an accident, an illness? Thankfully God knew better, He knew just what it would take to teach me that I am NOT in control and that pride would be stripped in the form of two amazing little boys! Two little boys who would teach their momma that "Even mommies make mistakes" and grace and love are sitting right there to wrap their arms around me!

Overall Confession:
I have spent many years of my life focused on the wrong goals, the wrong rewards and the wrong prizes. I have focused on the approval and acceptance of others. I have tried to walk my journey as if it would keep someone elses steps right on. I have focused on doing the thing that keeps me looking right. I have wasted time worrying I wouldn't be able to do it and so I didn't try. I was concerned that I wouldn't hear the words of praise and adoration from a large audience.

Thankfully there is One who has taken my confessions and has wrapped me in His loving arms and has whispered in my ear that there is only one goal, one reward, one prize I need to be concerned about!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14 (emphasis mine)

The one goal, the one prize, the one reward is Jesus!

You see my One Purpose is to get Him! To accept Him. To receive Him. To be in relationship with Him.

May we come to know Him as He has meant for us to know Him!

Friday Challenge

Hello and Welcome to the Blog!

Are you ready for a challenge today? Or are you thinking, "really day to day life is pretty challenging!" And I am in agreement with you!

So the Friday Challenge for today is one of refocusing!

Challenge: "Forget about your worries and your strife"

With the help of our friends from the Jungle, Baloo and Mowgli lets refocus!

Out of the running

Good news for you! I’m outta the running for Mother of the Year! Yeah you can thank me…or you might want to wait on that…especially after reading about what caused my disqualification. Yes I have disqualified myself two times already this week…and it’s only Wednesday!

Over the weekend the boys in the house, including the Engineer got a cold. So on Monday the littlest guy (3) was still running a slight fever was all stuffed up, having trouble breathing, his eyes were watering, and he was miserable. So I went to the medicine cupboard to find him some relief. I found the Children’s Tylenol Cold medicine and dosed him up some in the little cup and took it out to him. Then I went back to rinse the little cup out and notice on the bottle a whole new age/weight "chart" for dosing instructions…and that’s when I found myself in a little situation. The little guy wasn’t on the chart, the chart was for children that are 4 and older!! This chart had changed?!?! When?!?! I went into serious panic mode and get on the web to consult the Tylenol website and the trusty Dr. Sears website and they both confirm in big bold print the updated age/weight requirements for dosing! Yep big print, ‘not under the age of 4!’ So I call my pharmacist friend and he calms me down and reassures me that the little guy will be just fine and then he educates me on the changes that were made this last fall.

Wait before you pick up the phone to call me in I need to add the Tuesday disqualification to the tab!

You know my much talked about ‘craving’ for chocolate-well yesterday I combined the need for chocolate with a fun activity the boys and I could do together. We made Kahlua cake yesterday after nap for dessert. Now if you are not familiar with above cake, one of the ingredients is Kahlua! This is the most delicious, yummiest chocolate cake you will ever sink your teeth into…seriously and just so you know the potency of the above ingredient cooks itself out so its all legal!!! Anyway we start adding all ingredients to the KitchenAid and give it a mix and I am so focused on the finished chocolate dream that when the boys ask for a "lick" of batter sure enough I give them a sample! Yep a big dollop of raw cake batter. I hear…"mmm, that’s yummy mommy!" And then it dawns on me…and I find myself in a situation! No momma’s I wasn’t worried about the raw eggs it was that other little ingredient…you know the one in the title…the one that hadn’t been cooked yet to cook out the potency…?!?!


So there it is my last two days…and being that today is just beginning there might just be a third ‘situation’ that disqualifies me!!

Care to join me for a great big piece of cake?

Where are you?

Good Day!

So at the end of my last little blog post I got all "blog savvy" and linked to the Proverbs 31 devotion that day that was about brownies...yet now when I hit the button it doesn't take me to the brownie devo...so I am sure there are many people thinkin' "what was she thinking...I sure hope those Neurologists find something soon...she is causin us all to go crazy out here in blog land!" Anyway...sorry about that...the button updates now to each days devotion...which is great but it made me ask

"Brownie devo where are you?"

Oh and then a few days after my last post I notice there is something out on my front porch...and so I go dashing out there in total excitement just knowing someone has brought warm chocolate brownies to my doorstep. And there sitting inside a grocery bag hanging on the front door is this:

Seriously?

I could just as easily eaten the brownies and checked my blood sugar!!

"Warm chocolate brownies where are you?"

And now just so you don't think I have lost all good and noble self to dreaming about brownies...this will actually tie in quite nicely today...just wait and read!

How is your relationship today? Has He had to come looking for you? Can you hear Him calling your name?

"Where are you?"

You see He never leaves us! Its us who does the hiding, running, walking away. Why? Because we get tired of waiting, stressed, scared, afraid, worried He won't like our thoughts!

If He's asking "Where are you?"

Answer:

"Here I am!"

All He needs is us to say those words and He will do the rest!

Details....

I love to come back and read your comments and see how God touched you and how He is working in your lives. I also learn so much by what He is doing and how is He is using His word to talk to His people. I also learn how inadequate I am at communicating and explaining things, or how I leave out details...not that its always about details but some are important. Please forgive me but I left out a "detail". The original Neurology appointment today was moved up and I have already seen that Neurologist, that happened back on February 3rd. I have had a couple other appointments in between. Which are leading me to get another opinion from a Neurologist. So I am so sorry to not have updated you and only learned this from reading peoples comments. You can blame it on the fact that I am blonde...or that my head hurts...or it could be that fact that I am way low on my "chocolate" reserves...HA! I am waiting for the University of Washington Medical school to review my case and schedule an appointment with them. They have a great team of doctors and we are praying they will discover what is going on. So with all that being said...thank you so much for your commitments to pray...I so appreciate all you of you. I appreciate your prayers, your support, your encouragement, and your emails! I love you and feel very blessed by God through you!

Please know that I am unable to visit all your blogs as often as I would like to. Even if I am not reading your blogs I am praying for you. And I know God is visiting you for me. His visits are much more meaningful than my...trust me! I am praying and praising God for all of you and the lives you are living on purpose. I am praying for your doctors appointments, I am praying for your families, your husbands job situation, your healing from the car accident, praying for your new business, praying for your marriage, praying for your relationship with Him to become even more intimate, praying for your radio interview today, I am praying for your healing, I am praying that you get a relief from pain, I am praying for restoration of family relationships, I am praying for opportunities for you to be His hands and feet, I am praying that your time waiting to bring home your boy goes by quickly, I am praying that He gives you every ounce of Him to be the best mommy you can be, I am praying that the changes in your home have His hands guiding them, I am praying for your peace and your safety, I am praying for your ministry, I am praying that He is giving you the words to write that book, that devotion, that letter, I am praying that you experience Him new today, I am praying for you to live in full freedom and submit, I am praying for you to trust, and very often I am praying for Him to dump even more love and joy into your lives. I love you, and I know He has great things for you!

Thank you for your love and grace to me!

ps. And seriously...do I need to have a morning devotion about brownies...this girly is already struggling...HA...if you have time go read this devotion and then send me some brownies...under the table no one will know I won't record them in the food journal and I definitely won't let the dr know it was you....Love you!

Cool like that!

So if you have been reading the blog for the last little bit you know that life in my world has been a bit stormy. I am currently doing a Beth Moore Bible Study called To Live is Christ and have been studying the life of Paul. Paul and I have very similar DNA. Paul found himself in a storm…shipwrecked…and out to sea. I believe that God has me in this study at this particular time for a purpose!


Because He is cool like that!

The other day the boys and I are watching Finding Nemo together and the moral of the movie for me that day.... the precious words of Dory…"just keep swimming…just keep swimming…" Yeah we watched the movie at the perfect time!

Because He is cool like that!


I am currently reading Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado and he shares a story at the end of Chapter 8 that reads,

Don’t make the mistake of Florence Chadwick. In 1952 she attempted to swim the chilly ocean waters between Catalina Island and the California shore. She swam through foggy weather and choppy seas for fifteen hours. Her muscles began to cramp, and her resolve weakened. She begged to be taken out of the water, but her mother, riding in a boat alongside, urged her to not give up. She kept trying but grew exhausted and stopped swimming. Aids lifted her out of the water and into the boat. They paddled a few more minutes, the mist broke and she discovered that the shore was less that a half mile away. ‘All I could see was the fog,’ she explained as a news conference. ‘I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it.’
Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don’t be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away. God may be, at this very moment, lifting his hand to signal Gabriel to grab the trumpet. Angels may be assembling, saints gathering, demons trembling. Stay at it! Stay in the water. Stay in the race. Stay in the fight. Give grace, one more time. Be generous, one more time. Teach one more class, encourage one more soul, swim one more stroke.

Yeah He had Max write this book on purpose!


Because He is cool like that!


May we allow Him to open our hearts to truly see His presence. For He is all around us, loving on us, and leading us to Him!

Not Yet?

Hello to all my friends and family. Love to you! Yes if you are reading my blog consider yourself loved, not only by me, but by an amazing Creator.

I want to start by saying thank you to the people who are journeying on purpose in this life with me. There are many people who are praying on purpose!

I want to "warn" you before you read today's post that my heart is very solid in One thing, that's a relationship with Jesus!! However there are many questions, thoughts, and doubts that I have struggled with over this past month. So as you read this keep in mind, my Jesus and me we are tight and that will NOT be shaken!

As of today Monday February 16th I have had a constant headache since Saturday January 10th. A headache that gets worse after 10am in the morning. Some triggers include, noise, movement of my head, light, and using my eyes. My eyes will blur if I move my head to the side. I have an intense pain in my jaw, that obviously worsens if I eat...(helps me limit the brownies!!...just so you know a sense of humor and laughter is keeping me going :) My lower back is in constant pain, and will send out things like shocks that cause me to jerk from the pain. My legs/arms feel tired/heavy/weak, and my hands/fingers, feet/toes get numb and tingly feeling. These are some of the daily symptoms that have been ongoing for a little over a month now. We (I saw it this way because its not just me going through this as it has GREATLY affected my husband and boys), we are praying, taking supplements, and seeking medical care.

I don't include the above paragraph for any other reason than to share an update with those who are faithfully lifting this up to a God who cares deeply. I know He knows whats going on, I know He hasn't left my side for a second. I know He hears our prayers. I know He is working.

Dear Jesus hear my heart today, I wanna be used by You. I want to be the wife You need the Engineer needs standing beside him in this life, I want to be the mommy that the boys need so they can be in a relationship with You. I want to be Your servant, I want to build up Your kingdom. I want more people to experience, Your amazing grace and Your unending love for them. Thank You Lord for the purpose You have because I know it has eternity written all over it! I love You Jesus-Amen