Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I'm Not Who I was!

Dear God,

The beginning of this year I found myself in a new city away from things that were familiar to me. We knew it was Your will to move up here, but I honestly found myself very upset, angry, depressed, and disappointed. How could You take us away from our family, our friends, our house, our church, my ability to work using my college degree? As I spent some ugly time rolling around in those "why" questions and making myself miserable, You in all your amazing grace kept whispering to my heart, and in the moment of me being still, and listening I heard you say, "Nichole I had to take those things away so that I could give you more of Me" ‘Wow, You really do know me don’t You?’ Early on this year You crossed my path with a sweet girl from the south, who said Your words to my heart, "Nichole when I got to see the real you I knew I would like getting to know you." Yes she said those words, but I knew they were straight from Your heart! It is the message You have whispered to my heart from the day You captured it! "Be the one I created you to be!" Thank You for giving me such an amazing gift in the month of February, You unwrapped a gift that You had actually given to me many years ago, the dream of speaking, and re-presented with the right purpose, speaking for You! For You have spent this year dancing with me in fields of grace. A grace that is so needed in my daily life as wife, mom, daughter, friend and sister. Teaching me how to live. How to live every moment and take my steps intentionally. Giving me Your eyes so that I can see those around me how You do. Then nudging me and saying…’go ahead and love all over them’. A love that really isn’t me, no its just the overflow from You! And did I tell You just how much it tickles me to see You love on people? You are amazing! I did many things out of obedience. An obedience that didn’t look or sound so pretty many times. Which makes me stand back in awe that You are that good to work through my feeble attempt at obedience. Oh and in the process learned that it is all in Your beautiful design of just how a relationship with You flows. From obedience I learned that respect, patience, love, endurance, perseverance, commitment, and submission will be woven in at just the right times…thank You! I fell down quite a few times, with the skinned knees came tears, pride removal, honesty, and obedience. Thank You for each one of these times. Thank You for not taking me out of any of the circumstances of this past year. Thank You for holding my hand, wiping my tears, and whispering to my heart, "there is purpose even in this." Thank You for blessing me with the most amazing man, the most loving two little boys, and a network of family and friends that allow You to use them. Thank You for friends I have made over this past year via this blog that You created and You orchestrate. Friends who You are doing some amazing things through. You are helping them to fight for their lives, run their homes, and spread Your love. Thank You for the blessing of each person I have met through this blog, because it is an opportunity to see You work!

Lord that I can say at the end of this year, "I am not who I was!"

Thank You for loving me so much that You make everything around me about You!

On Purpose,


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28


Nicole said...

Wow Nichole. This is beautifully written...straight from your heart. I know our Father is smiling down on you right now!!! Happy New Year my beautiful friend and sister in Christ. I am so thankful for your love and obedience to Him. Your life has touched mine and many!!!

I believe you have found God's heart and understand His love for you in a way that not many others understand. You are are real...all because you are willing to go there with Him. Willing to take your shoes off and stand barefoot in front of Him, no matter how much it may hurt and how many times you get knocked down!!! Beautiful, very beautful!!! Keep going. I believe there are lots of people cheering you on as you run this race. Most importantly Jesus and His angels.

The song that comes to me is "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. Truth always brings freedom. Keeping seeking and submitting. The blessing comes in obedience. Love you so much!

Thank you for sharing your conversations with God with us! I love to know and hear God's voice speaking to others.


Amy said...

Lovely post!

As Nicole mentioned, I thought of several songs too while reading this.-- like a mini-revival. TY!:)

I too have had some skinned knees this year...Love it when God is there with a band-aid.

Hugs from TN

Paula (SweetPea) said...

This is a beautiful prayer of love, devotion, gratitude, revelation, and praise. Absolutely beautiful. I'm sure the Lord is well pleased to see the person you've transformed into in just one year! What will this next year be? I can only imagine and hope for much for us all.

Tracy said...


I moved 1100 miles away from everything and everyone almost a year and a half ago...

Lots of stretching and growing... He is faithful and He knows what He is doing... Though I have to admit, I have been doing alot of crying the past couple days.. BUT growing pains hurt sometimes.. so..

I loved reading what you had to say.. Thank you and bless you!!!

Kimberly said... I'm sitting hear all teary eyed.

I'm not sure exactly how we met in this world of blogginess (other than God totally workin' out the details)...but I am so thankful we met!

I was sitting here thinking that this post is so beautiful, and then I thought of is beautiful (BE-YOU-tiful) because you are being YOU..being exactly who He created you to be! You are a blessing!

Love you bunches and bunches and bunches!!!!
K :)

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful praise...I Love You Nin and know God is totally going to see you through all the times that seem over whelming...He is the LIGHT in our darkness. Know that you have truly blessed me this last year in ways I could never count. You've encouraged, you loved, you taught me to seek God always...You are an amazing daughter. I'm so glad God gave me you...
Love, Hugs and Prayers

Runner Mom said...

Oh...Nichole...this is truly beautiful! Thank you for sharing this prayer with us! Your obedience, patience, and love have just shown through in your posts and the encouraging comments that you leave on our blogs. You are such a blessing to those of us in bloggy land! I pray that 2009 will be a year filled with more of GOd's promises and hope and joy.

Love you!

Chatty Kelly said...

What a beautiful love letter to God. I appreciate it - it blessed my soul. So glad you are "reborn!"

Happy New Year.

Love - Kelly

LisaShaw said...

Tears and then I exhaled and smiled. This was beautiful.

Happy New Year!

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

This is so beautiful my friend! Praising God for using you to be transparent to other's and for Him to do amazing things this next year in your sweet life!!

Kimberly said...

This momma's heart thanks your momma's heart for hearin' me! ;)

Love you!

Joyful said...

Amen and Amen!

Beautiful my friend. You are living life on purpose and with purpose for the One who gives you purpose.

Love ya,

Tiffany Stuart said...

Loved this journal entry of your year. Loved that you wrote it as a letter to God.

I'm not who I was. Oh, what truth! I can embrace this sentence as my own for 2008.


Loved meeting you through blogging in 2008.

Happy New Year!

Things Above said...

That has to be one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read! Thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart.

Edie said...

Love your prayer Nichole. It is wonderful to see that there really is growth through our stuggles after all. :)